I Resolve To...

Here it is the 4th day of 2010 and I still haven’t fully acknowledged or verbalized what my resolutions will be. I didn’t want them to be the same old, “I resolve to lose weight” or “I resolve to pay off all my debt”. The problem with those is that the first decadent dessert or cute outfit I cave into lets in a tinge of guilt that manifests to the point where I usually abandon all resolutions by the middle of the year. Not this year. Of course I would love to lose weight (especially with my 25th high school reunion in 5 months) and I’d love to pay off my debt (though with my student loans and house it’d be unrealistic to say it’s going to happen in one year, thus making it a “resolution” verses a long term goal is setting myself up for failure). Instead, this year, I decided to make resolutions that are more of life philosophies that I can live by every day, but that are “self-forgiving” so I am never consumed with guilt.

This year I resolve to…..

Give less advice and give more “shoulder and ear”. No matter how well-intended, advice (whether solicited or not) always seems to backfire. If you’re right, they are mad that you were right and they went against your advice. If you’re wrong, you are the reason for their “failure”. Of course much of this has to do with my adult children, but it can apply to my entire life.

Look forward more and back less. This does not mean stop being nostalgic – I love remembering my parents, my childhood, etc. This means stop wondering why something didn’t go one way and move onward and upward! I’ve always said, everything happens for a reason, yet I’ve spent so much time over analyzing “why”. Looking forward to what is yet to come and what God has in store for me tomorrow, rather than wondering why he didn’t give it to me yesterday or even today is a good life philosophy.

Pray more and worry less (or not at all). God is ultimately in control. He knows what I need before I ask. He has His eye on the lowly sparrow, so I know He has His eye on me. There are things that are in my control and then there are things that are ultimately up to God. (Let’s not get philosophical here, I realize ultimately EVERYTHING is up to God, we could go down this debate, but He does give us freewill).

Laugh a whole lot more. I laugh a ton and I am happy most of the time, but I need to spend more time seeking out laughter. This means finding the humor in most things (where appropriate) instead of the bad. I’m usually pretty good at doing this, but of course there is always room for improvement.

Live out in the world more and in cyberspace less. Because I work on a computer all day and then many of my hobbies involve a computer, I have formed a huge “rut” that involves sitting in my chair. I don’t want to give up my hobbies – genealogy, photography (yes, part of that involves the computer), writing – but I need to form a healthy balance. I used to be outside a few times a week and I really enjoy it – I’ve just been consumed with other hobbies. It’s time to remember the outdoor hobbies I love, too!

Be better at keeping in touch with friends & family. With Facebook, email, free long distance, etc. there is absolutely no excuse for losing touch. Life isn’t so busy that I can’t call/email or even snail mail more often. I have so many “older” dear friends that I’ve done a really cruddy job of keeping up with. I know the phone/email works two ways – but I was always so good at being “the glue” that kept us all together. I love my new friends, but, you know what they say – “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” (I think I learned that in Brownies when I was like 7) It’s so hard to find good friends – why do we let them slip through our fingers because it’s not “convenient” to keep in touch??

Read more and watch TV less. It’s not that I am a TV junky – it’s usually just white noise while I’m doing other things, but it’s on. I’m going to turn it off and get off the computer and read all of those books I’ve been meaning to read – including and especially my Bible.

I could probably blather on, but I think it all comes down to this – in 2010, I resolve to make God a bigger part of my life – which will help me accomplish all of the above goals. In 2010, I resolve to be a better me.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Good tidings & blessings to my friends, family & readers far & near! A special blessing and thanksgiving to our great military and their families who sacrifice so much and are apart from each other on this day. I wish each of you great joy & blessings as you celebrate the holidays and the joyous Christmas season. God bless each and every one of you!

My Thanksgiving gift to each of you is to finally release my Creamy Banana Budding recipe – so, without further ado, here it is – with one word of caution – this is in no way, shape or form a “low calorie” recipe, but it is sure to be a hit!


Gingerlyspiced’s Creamy Banana Pudding

Step 1 – Make Vanilla Wafers (you can cheat and buy them, but making them makes it so much better)

Vanilla Wafers:
½ c (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
2/3 c Vanilla Sugar (2 cups sugar, 1 vanilla bean, cut into small pieces and mixed well in a food processer until vanilla is very fine, strain sugar to remove any large pieces of vanilla– save extra for other recipes)
½ c egg whites
2/3 c unbleached all purpose flour
¼ tsp Salt

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
2. Generously butter heavy large cookie sheets.
3. Beat butter and sugar in meadium bowl until light and fluffy
4. Beat in egg whites
5. Gradually mix in flour and salt (batter will be soft).
6. Drop batter by spoonful (teaspoon size) onto prepared cookie sheets – 3” apart
7. Bake until edges are golden brown and centers of cookies are still pale (roughly 7 minutes, depending on your oven)
8. Transfer cookies to rack (if you are making extra to eat, you can curl them around the end of a wooden spoon while they are still warm to make them decorative, or do a few this way for the top of the pudding)
NOTE: Cookies can be prepared the day before and stored in an air-tight container to save time.

Filling:
3 boxes Instant French Vanilla Pudding
5 ¼ cups HEAVY Whipping Cream
2 bunches RIPE mini bananas (you can substitute regular RIPE bananas but the mini bananas have a sweeter flavor)
1 Stick unsalted butter
1 Can Extra Creamy Redi-Whip (canned whipped cream)

1. Caramelize mini bananas – heat non stick frying pan over MEDIUM heat, melt butter until it is “crackling” and barely starting to brown. Slice the mini bananas thin, length wise, and put into pan, flipping occasionally, until they are slightly soft and starting to brown.
2. While bananas are caramelizing, line bottom of 9” x 13” DEEP dish with Vanilla Wafers (prepared as above).
3. Spread caramelized bananas over vanilla wafers, let cool
4. While bananas are cooling, prepare pudding in large bowl by pouring Heavy Whipping Cream in bowl first and then adding pudding packages. Whip well with a wire whisk.
5. Pour pudding slowly over vanilla wafers and bananas, being careful not to disturb the distribution of the wafers and bananas. Cover all wafers and bananas completely
6. Use curled vanilla wafers to decorate top of pudding to taste (you can use them to cover any bananas or other wafers that might be “peeking” through the top.
7. Cover & Refrigerate until ready to serve
8. When ready to serve decorate top with canned whipped cream or each serving individually

This will be the creamiest & richest banana pudding you ever had – it will be more the thickness of a “pie” making it easier to serve. This has been a hit around my house for every holiday and is very easy to make. ENJOY!!!!

Happily Never After

As I was laying in bed in my hotel room I realized it had been quite some time since I’d written in my blog – though I didn’t realize how long until I signed in. Life has a way of happening and sidetracking us. I’ve had so many things on my mind that I could have written every day – politics, memories, travel – but often if I don’t get it down on “paper” right away it slips by and is lost forever.

Sleepless nights in hotels watching romantic movies alone have a way of producing just the right amount of melancholy to inspire provocative writing. No, not the kind of provocative writing that will turn my blog to a triple x, pay-per-minute blog, but provocative as in contemplative, nostalgic, hopeful, dare-to-dream, etc. Hollywood can have a hopeless romantic buying the hype that we were taught in our youth – the knight always rescues the damsel in distress and they ride off and live happily ever after. The romantic in me would like to believe it still – the realist has pretty much given up on that. As I said, life has a way of just happening and going on, with our without the happy ending.

I’m not bitter – far from it. I’m comfortable in my life. But is comfortable enough? Did I settle for comfort rather than taking a risk? With divorce rates over 50% in the US I have to believe either there is no happily ever after or people just settle for any fake knight or drama queen pretending to be a damsel in distress and don’t realize they bet on the wrong pony until it’s too late. Or maybe the fear of being vulnerable has kept so many women from allowing themselves to be seen as damsels in distress. My generation grew up with feminism being shoved down our throats. Not that some good things didn’t come out of feminism, but sometimes I think it killed “happily ever after”.

Is it possible to rewind feminism, or at least the bad parts? Is it so wrong to need a man? I don’t mean “need” in the since that you can’t live without him, literally. You shouldn’t love a man (or woman) because you need them. That kind of love can wear off. You can always find someone to fulfill material or physical needs. But if you need them because you love them—then it is the love that drives the need.

I often wonder if that was the problem between me and Cowboy. The need was in the driver’s seat – not so much for me. It was always the love driving on my side. But for a time Cowboy “needed” me – at least from my perspective. He needed to know someone cared. He needed to know someone was there. He needed someone to talk to. Note none of those were specific to “me”—but “someone”. Almost anyone could fill that spot as long as there was a miniscule of chemistry or commonality. Ergot, when someone more convenient filled that need, the love (whether paramour or plutonic) was not as strong…and the more “out of sight”, the more “out of mind”.

Thus is the demise of a once great friendship. My friendship with Cowboy has deteriorated into casual sometime acquaintances. If I don’t talk to him for a week or so, he’ll call, just in passing – as an afterthought as he is driving from here to there. No more long, deep talks. No more long visits “just because”…it’s “hi” and “bye” on the phone in passing maybe 5 minutes a week and the rare lunch/dinner as I am passing through town.
Why do these friendships end? Not all, but many. At first both parties put in equal enthusiasm and then as time goes by, they become one-sided. It’s “call me and we’ll meet for dinner”, only to reach a voice mail. Or “I’ll call you later” and later becomes three or four days. Eventually, even the last person in the friendship gives up. There is no more caring if they call back. In fact you begin to anticipate they won’t. You don’t count on plans ever coming to existence. Then the friendship becomes no sided and it fades to a distant memory of someone you once knew. Cowboy and I are at that point. It is almost completely one-sided, and I’m feeling what’s left of this friendship is a complete drain of my emotions and energy. I feel better when we don’t have contact at all than when I am an after thought to occupy driving time. Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting to just let go of this friendship. Cowboy himself admitted he was a “lazy friend”. However, I still contend if someone matters to you, you find the energy to keep the friendship in tact.

Someone once told me they read this self help book (maybe it was CherBear – I honestly can’t remember, it’s been ages, but it’s always stuck with me). It had this theory about “accounts”. The theory/analogy states that we all have accounts, similar to bank accounts, for each person in our lives. These accounts automatically start with an opening balance based on our original encounter/meeting. They are filled with love (again whether paramour or plutonic) and our emotional being is like a big bank with several (possibly dozens) of accounts. The more someone drains from their account with you by “taking” and not “giving”, the less you have to give them. Eventually it’s possible for someone to “overdraw” their account with you – this is where that one-sided thing comes in, and where it begins to end. We, as emotional beings, will not allow our emotional accounts (EA’s) to be overdrawn for too long before we just close them off all together. Some people have more tolerance for overdrafts than others and sometimes people put “just enough” into their EA with us that we keep it open thinking they will fill it again. But always, at some point, when it stays overdrawn, the account is closed and the person is cut off from us emotionally.

It’s a good theory…though some say it contradicts ‘unconditional love’ – I don’t think it does. Accounts can stay on really low balances for a long time…they aren’t conditioned on constantly putting in, but in that they don’t constantly take and not give.

Either way – Cowboy’s account is closed…at least until he comes up with a REALLY big deposit because it’s overdrawn by a country mile and it would take a really big minimum opening deposit for me to go back down that mile.

Who knows, maybe I’m looking at love to logically. It’s probably why I’m starting to think it’s more like “happily never after.”

Nana's Garden

The first years of our life as we discover everything for the first time life is exciting and amazing. Everything has a mystery about it. Somewhere a long the line the little things aren’t so fascinating anymore and everything fades into the background. We are in a hurry to get somewhere – though no one really knows “where”. Another tomorrow? A year from now? Most of us as adults become so consumed with the unknown destination in the future we don’t enjoy the journey we are on now. Life is, after all, a journey – like one long road trip. Every day should be discovery of something new and a memory made. But somewhere we stopped looking for the “new” on the scenic route and jumped on the Interstate, letting things buzz by at 80 miles per hour.

When we have kids we get off the interstate for a while and take the scenic route again. Before long the kids grow and be jump right back on the interstate. Too soon we forget the wonders of the scenic route and spend our days in a hurried aimlessness running here and there to get nowhere.

Enter the grandson…

When my own children were young I don’t remember this much shared excitement with them in discovering life. I know it was there – it just seemed like back then as a young family there were too many stresses to fully enjoy it. With my grandson, it’s different. I’m at a place in my life that, while not stress free, is not stressed for the same reasons. When he and I walk around in my yard everything is exciting. He points. His face glows and his eyes get big and round. He screams out, “dah!!” (which we haven’t quite figured out if he’s saying “that” or “there” – but we all know it means “take me to that and let me see what it is”. He screams this out at almost everything, even if he’s seen it before.



Things I have learned long ago to look at as “weeds” or “pests” he still finds beauty in. No one has told him they aren’t beautiful. In his innocence, everything is fascinating. For instance, Texas has Mexican sandburs. If you’ve ever stepped on one barefoot, you would forever think the “weeds” came from the devil -- normal sandburs pale in comparison and you want to get the Round Up or yank them all out by the roots and eradicate them from your yard. That’s not what my little buddy sees, though. He sees a tiny fern like plant that winds through Nana’s garden with these funny tiny pink “fuzzballs” that look much like Horton’s flower. In this state, before the flower turns to the bur, they are beautiful and funny at the same time. Little buddy loves to feel them between his fingers. He doesn’t know and doesn’t care that in a month they will hurt his little feet – right now they are amazing and amusing to him.

The first time the fireflies came out he was exuberant. What were these funny little flickering lights in front of him? Nana took him around and caught some and put them in a jar. He looked at the jar, and then he looked at the stars coming out, as it grew darker. His face had a puzzled look and I can almost imagine him thinking, “huh, now how did Nana get the stars from the sky and down into this jar?” As we opened the jar and let the fireflies back out and they flew by he giggled.

Little buddy and I love to walk around Nana’s garden. The flowers have so many colors. He loves bright colors – all of which he needs to touch and feel between his fingers. The white petals on the gardenia make his nose twitch as they leave a potent but sweet fragrance. Every time he does that, the scent reminds me of my mother – she loved gardenias. The peach roses are soft between his fingers. Purple petunias; ebony calla lilies; white, pink, coral, yellow and red mums; blue salvia; deep pink mandevillas on the vine – we stop at every one of them so my little buddy can fully investigate.



The Fourth of July was the icing on the cake. As we sat in the bleachers at the high school football stadium in our little town, he looked out into the darkening sky wondering what why we were all just sitting here. The lights went out in the stadium and all that could be seen was the waving flag on the LED screen – shortly it went out too and the crescendo of the music began. Buddy was looking around and all the sudden “Bam, wrrrrrrrr, Kablam” and the night sky in front of him was filled brilliant colorful lights that quickly flickered out. He started rocking back and forth to the music on my lap, clapping as he looked over at his mom, wide-eyed with a grin from ear to ear. Then it happened again, “bam, wrrrr, kablam, bam wrrrr kablam” there were two explosions of light in the sky. For the next 20 minutes he jumped up and down clapping and unable to take his eyes of the sky. His excitement was contagious. It was probably the best fireworks show ever – or at least in a long time – not because they were better fireworks (though they were good), but because we were seeing fireworks for the first time again through his eyes.

You would think we had never seen fireworks before, but I grew up in Orange County – my 2nd story bedroom window faced directly west and every night at 9 I could see the fireworks from Disneyland. Perhaps after years of seeing the Disney fireworks (dozens of times in person) they just became part of the background like everything does in life. But now, at least for a time, I have Little Buddy to bring back that wonderment – maybe I can hold onto it this time.

Empty Nest Joys 2, 3, 4 & 5

I know I should be crying and depressed – so many people tell me that. My babies are gone. However, I’m a “glass half full”, silver lining kind of person. I have given my babies my all for the better part of 21 years. Not that they didn’t get all of that 21 years, but the first eight I was married so the journey wasn’t the same. I am ready to be totally and completely independent with no one dependent on me. Well, except for my four dogs, but that’s not the same. I suppose it also helps that my girls both live about 10 minutes from me so I see them all the time and talk to them almost daily. The difference is, it’s on MY terms and I have MY space. That may seem selfish, but I think it would be more selfish to not push them out of the nest and let them fly on their own journeys. Life is an adventure that must be lived and it’s time for them to find their own adventures.

Each day, to remind myself of the good things about being an Empty Nester, I look for new little joys about having my own place. This morning as I was cleaning up a bit, rather than sleeping in like I thought I would on my first Saturday without the girls, their beaus and the grandson, and I was humming and singing to myself. I woke up to pick up where I left off last night (believe me, two girls and a grandson can leave a trail of destruction reminiscent of a tornado path). I smiled as I realized my second joy (after always having clean towels). I CAN pick up where I left off. I don’t have to start all over because new messes were made. Whatever I had finished last night stayed finished and it was new chores today! WAHOO. Now, before you all comment and “harsh my dreams mellow”, I do fully realize that dusting and vacuuming will always be there…but it’s a lot easier to breeze through those when you don’t have to bring a bulldozer in to clean up a pile of toddler toys, a trail of dirty clothes and dishes left all over the house.

I started on the kitchen this morning. The only dishes that were in the sink were the ones that didn’t get done last night because I was cleaning other areas. That is how the dishes got there – Loretta’s room is/was the absolute WORST—I love that girl but she is a slob! It will take me days, maybe weeks, to clean that room before I can redecorate and turn it into my office/studio. I finished the dishes, wiped off the counter and felt a sense of accomplishment knowing that when I returned home from errands today, it would look EXACTLY like I just left it.

As I filled the ice cube trays and put them in the freezer, I realized my third joy – I would always be able to go to the freezer and find ice. I would never again have to pull out an ice cube tray that had ONE ice cube in it because someone was too lazy to take 30 seconds and put more water in the tray before sticking it back in the freezer. I would bet it doesn’t even take 30 seconds. What an awesome feeling! It truly is the simple things in life that bring you great joy.

Yesterday my new vacuum arrived and I put it together and tried it out a little. This morning I vacuumed three more rooms and discovered another great joy – I will have a vacuum that works because I pick up the big pieces of toys, bobby pins, plastic, paper, nails, etc. that my daughters used to just run over and get stuck in the vacuums. It’s pretty sad that I have two old vacuums sitting in my hall and neither one works. I am “in love” with my new vacuum. That is another joy, but not necessarily one that is associated with being an Empty Nester. I have four dogs – did I already mention that? Two rough collies, a sheltie and a lab/Dalmatian mix. As you can imagine that makes for a lot of hair. The vacuum is run almost daily around here. Collies and Shelties (the long hair three of four dogs) don’t shed as you might imagine. No, they just walk along and drop clumps of undercoat, especially this time of year. Wherever they lay down you can tell because there is a grouping of clumps. It’s insane. I love them and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but the hair is just a nightmare. The lab/Dalmatian mix, he sheds. Since he is black and white, it doesn’t matter if something (carpet, furniture, etc.) is dark or light – one of his hairs will show. For years I’ve tried several vacuums and they all did “ok” at getting the fur up, then I found the new “love of my life” – the Bissell Pet Hair Eraser. OH MY GOSH! This thing is a dream!! It is powerful and self-propelled…that’s huge because vacuuming is a breeze. It has this “hair wand” on the front that goes before the vacuum (and it can be turned up for non carpet surfaces). It acts like a magnet gathering the dog hair. I can get down on the carpet and work hard to find one remaining hair. It’s AMAZING. The vacuum is bagless with a GIANT cup. Though with four dogs I still had to empty it 10 times in 4 rooms (my vacuum has been broken for two weeks or it wouldn’t be that bad). It also came with three special pet attachments – a contour pet brush made out of this rubbery stuff that works on furniture like a dream to get hair off the furniture (yes, I’m a huge pet lover and my dogs rule the house, which means they can sit on the couch if they dang well feel like it). The second brush attachment is a small rotating brush to do hard to reach places, stairs, flat parts of furniture, etc. The BEST attachment is the shedding rake that is attached to a hose. Now I can brush the dogs, especially the hairy ones, and it vacuums up as I brush. SO COOL!! So, can you see why I’m so excited about this vacuum? No, I’m not getting paid by Bissell, though if they wanted to throw some cash my way or maybe a nice carpet steam cleaner (which I need after my kids left to make my year and a half old carpets that look like they are ten years old look better) then I wouldn’t complain and I would graciously accept. I can’t say enough good things about this vacuum, though. I highly recommend it if you have cats &/or dogs inside.

After all the work this morning, I finally had the chance to grab a cup of coffee before I take a shower and head out to do some “rat killing” (a Texas term for running errands). It was then I realized my fifth joy – there was coffee left! In a house full of adults with a small coffee maker, I always had to make another pot before I got my cup of coffee on Saturday morning. But, there was coffee left – and it was still warm and yummy! My older daughter and her boyfriend had bought me a new coffee maker for my birthday a couple weeks ago. It was really sweet (and partly selfish, they wanted to take my old one with them when they moved). I’m enjoying this one, though. It’s the Hamilton Beach Brew Station – no pot, just put your cup up and it dispenses. You can get coffee at any point during the brewing process (which is extra nice for those mornings you are so tired you can’t wait for the coffee to finish). I know – what’s up with the product reviews, right? I’m just giving “props” where they are due because one day I might want to rant about how bad a product is. While enjoying this much-earned cup of coffee writing this blog, it hit me that I should have made this Empty Nest Joys 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6 – having the time to write more often is definitely a joy that can’t be left out.

B, my oldest, just called and asked if she and the grandson could run errands with me – being an Empty Nester isn’t so bad when they aren’t that far away. God truly has blessed me and the trials I endured when they were teens gave me a greater ability to appreciate the newfound blessings He’s granted me now. I’m sure you’ll be hearing from me more often, now!!